Building Ourselves Up

A lot of people do not feel good about themselves, remaining unsatisfied and unfulfilled. Struggling to know and appreciate who they are makes it difficult to pursue their dreams. Instead, they spend their lives frustrated, depressed and envious of others, never feeling authentic and living the life they want. Often people distract themselves with drugs, media, shopping, sex or travel, however, when the high wears off they return to the reality of their lives.

Childhood plays a pivotal role in shaping our self-esteem, determining whether we view ourselves as worthy and capable. If our parents fail to consistently tell us that we are loved and competent, we grow up to not value ourselves or possess much confidence. If our parents constantly criticize us, we develop an unrealistic and poor self-image and may be riddled with self-doubt. 

Revisit The Source to Fix Low Self-Esteem 

In order to fix a low self-esteem and its accompanying lack of confidence, we must revisit the source - childhood. It is important to remember what childhood was like and how your parents treated you. This is challenging because most of us want to be respectful of our parents, yet it is important to remember that our parents would not have hurt us if they were happy and well-adjusted. Quite often the initial trauma is reinforced by other negative experiences in life. Financial reversals, workplace bullying, the loss of employment, divorce or general stress are examples of crisis that can further impact our self-esteem and self-confidence.

Undo The Effects of Trauma

Were we criticized? Were we neglected? How did we feel? We can learn to undo the effects of the initial trauma by experiencing the emotions associated with it, and remembering what was said and done. This provides an objectivity that allows us to question the validity of our parents’ words and actions, and determine whether they were true and justified. We come to realize and acknowledge that they are never true and justified.

Be The Person You Were Meant To Be

Feeling the emotional pain and allowing it to pass helps to change our self-image to that of a lovable, intelligent and capable person. By dismissing what was said as untrue, we foster the growth of a new and positive narrative. A narrative anchored in the good things we have done and the successes we have experienced. These techniques when practiced over a period of time build our self-esteem and strengthen our self-confidence. 

A journey of self-determination, you will learn how to build yourself up to be the person you were meant to be and do the things you were meant to do. There are also many resources such as self-help books, lectures on Ted talks or You Tube as well as the support of a therapist to assist you along the way.

Strengthen Life Skills to Improve Self-Esteem 

The development of active listening, assertion and tuning into your needs, wants and values as well as those of the other person, improves your conflict resolution skills while strengthening self-esteem. Many resources exist to support the building of life skills to resolve differences including books and materials, consulting with friends and colleagues, along with tapping into your inner resources. Working with a therapist can further support your learning.  

Resolving conflict as it happens in a healthy and respectful manner has many benefits and outcomes, including feeling better about yourself with less stress and more energy. As you become more confident in your ability to manage conflict and resolve problems, your relationships will become more fulfilling as you resolve issues together. We learn about ourselves and the people in our lives, leading to more fulfilling and respectful relationships, which is vital to our well-being.